MY LONG PROCESS OF LOW LUNGING and its relationship with Pain

I remember my first Power Yoga class. It was with a very dear Yoga instructor, who I no longer see, but who I keep very close to my heart. Her name is Camila. She has this very powerful demeanor. There is just something about her that allures you. This energy of hers calls you to remain for the whole 90 minutes -you´d wish for more, though- in her proximity, absorving her advice and experience like a sponge, connecting with her and through her with everybody around. She would often share heartbroken stories of her own life, and how Yoga saved her. Now she would probably be saying something like, and then I realized I saved myself through Yoga.

When I first went to that power Yoga class, I had been away from the mats for years. I was practicing stretching though, by professional default, as part of my physical preparation for aerial dance. However, I was in pain. Always in pain due to a cronic inflamation in my hips. In that class, I did it, I low lunged. My ego wanted to go further on the stretch -there were many advanced students and I had the stupid idea that it was my duty to maintain my aerial circus performer status. One second into the asana and my own body said something like: hell, no! Camila was close, so I talked to her about my hip condition. Her advice was something like: just do it at your own pace; and avoid pain. But do it.

I loved that advice.

Years went by, and during a Hatha Yoga theory class, I heard something similar: you can feel lot´s of things during the practice of your asana. Your should avoid pain, though.

Pain. On one hand, it allows you to keep your ego as your servent. Ego is saying something like, we can endure pain, we can go all the way into this, we´re awsome! We need to show our awesomeness, so, let´s just do it! This advice is the lamest, of course. On the physical level, you may hurt your body, and Yoga is not supposed to be a sport, but a physical therapeutic practice, however demanding it might be. This is perfect, because, if you use this Yogic perspective, you are knowing how your ego works, and you are also preventing a possible injury.

On the other hand, one needs to be very aware of the situation. In my case, I am listening to my hip. And, I want to work on my low lunges. At the beggining, it was clear I had to do it for work, Also, it is part of who I am. There is something about how I present myself in this Life that is connected to a low lunge. Later, I realized it represents my relationship with my kids, son and daughter. Curiously enough, I started having issues with the insertion of my right femur when my son went to live with his dad. Not to another city, not just far away. He left to another country, and I guess I didn´t make the right maths then, and I didn´t realized until very recently how deeply sad I was for this split. I focused on him being happy, where he wanted to be. I denied my feelings... All of that I only could see a few months ago through self observation and meditation.

So, I had to low lunge. Don´t ask me why. It´s one of those things you need to do. As a  Hatha Yoga and aerial performance instructor, I knew that on the physical level it demanded of me to reenforce the surounding muscle groups; back, lowerback, legs.... My hips needed space to decompress. They got lots of physical therapy, lot´s of yoga, lot´s of love. I went on for years. Nothing changed. Only recently, I gave up. I didn´t give up on the posture. I did give up on stretching further without pain. The moment I gave up but continued doing it, I went further.

Isn´t Life just like that? Earth was helping me, of course. Meditation was helping me, of course. Recognizing the pain in my soul, great advance. However, just giving up and be in the asana was the only thing I needed... maybe. Why? Because is just another way of being present.

Namaste

Anjaneyasana or Low lunge with my friend and student Karina